


Operation GPTNMFANALIDBHF

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hogwarts Era, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-19
Updated: 2005-10-19
Packaged: 2018-10-27 18:03:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10814010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: Draco is not in love with Harry. Really, he's not. And he definitely doesn't have a plan to get Harry to love him too..





	Operation GPTNMFANALIDBHF

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

Draco Malfoy was not in love with Harry Potter.

 

There was no way that Draco Malfoy could be in love with Harry Potter.

 

Even should he be asked, that was what he would say—"I am not in love with Harry Potter!" In an offended tone of voice, of course. After all, Malfoys do not stoop so low as to fall in love with their worst enemies, especially if those worst enemies were halfbloods and therefore below notice.

 

Sometimes Draco thought that a worst enemy below one's notice was rather contradictory, but his father insisted, and so Draco kept quiet.

 

But back to Draco not being in love with Potter.

 

There was absolutely no shred of a doubt that Draco was not in love with Potter. Potter was a halfblood and a Gryffindor, and, and, had messy hair. Hair that Draco certainly did not want to run his fingers through. Nope. Definitely not.

 

I am so far gone, Draco thought in despair.

 

If only Potter wasn't Potter, then Draco could lust after him safely.

 

Well, relatively safely.

 

Okay, not so safely, not with a father who would expect Draco to continue the family line and would therefore not appreciate a gay son.

 

Well, damn, Draco thought. Wasn't this love affair doomed from the start…

 

And why did Potter have to be attractive? Why couldn't that scar look as disfiguring as Draco frequently told him it did, rather than dashing? What was it about him that made Draco obsess over him so much?

 

Well, speak of the Devil, Draco thought as Potter rounded the corner.

 

For once, Potter was alone, without that Mudblood and the Weasel. He also looked rather preoccupied and thoughtful, and definitely as if he did not care to have his thoughts interrupted, but Draco didn't care about that. Maybe now he could finally implement Operation 'Get Potter To Notice Me Favorably And Not Act Like I'm Dirt Beneath His Foot', which Draco lovingly thought of as Operation GPTNMFANALIDBHF, and which he never was sure how to pronounce, but never really cared either.

 

Part A—Surprise Him. It shouldn't be that hard, considering Potter was walking along and noticing absolutely nothing, which Draco couldn't help but think of as endearing, if incredibly foolish, knowing how many people wanted to do Potter in.

 

"Harry," Draco said from the shadows, and Potter jumped. Draco grinned to himself in satisfaction—that certainly got his attention!

 

"Malfoy?" Harry blinked. "Malfoy, what—" But then he stopped himself, and his expression grew angry. "Go away, Malfoy. I don't feel like dealing with your pathetic insults today."

 

"I don't want to go away," Draco said reasonably. "And have I insulted you yet?"

 

Harry peered at him suspiciously. "Well—no—but, knowing you, you'll start in any time, after you've got me off guard. What'll it be today, Malfoy, my parents, my friends, or just my scar?"

 

Well, Part B—Keep Him Engaged In Conversation—was going off smashingly. Draco was going to treat himself to ice cream in Hogsmeade after this for a job well done, even if he hadn't quite finished it yet.

 

"You want me to talk about those?" Draco asked. He took a step closer, and Harry back away. Well, that was disappointing. But no matter. "Your parents," Draco continued, "were heroes to have given their lives for you, even if a bit foolish for not being able to get out of such an abominable situation. Your friends must, I'm sure, have their own good qualities, even if I can't imagine what they are. And your scar…" Draco smiled, and ostentatiously licked his lips. "Your scar is dashing and altogether too lickable."

 

Part C—Inundate Him With Amazingly Witty Compliments—appeared to be a rousing success. Potter looked completely gobsmacked.

 

Draco took a step closer, and Potter backed away again. "Don't come near me!" Harry cried, his voice rising in panic. "You're not Malfoy! Malfoy wouldn't say anything like that! Not—lickable—" Potter looked green at the very thought. Draco thought that that was disappointing too, but at least there was plenty of time to train him into responding to Draco's amazing compliments like a flower to sunshine. Er. Not that Harry was anything like a flower, really.

 

" 'His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad, his hair is as dark as a blackboard. I wish he was mine, he's really divine, the hero who conquered the Dark Lord,'" Draco quoted, and Harry gaped at him.

 

"But—Ginny wrote that!" Potter exclaimed. "It was in that valentine she sent me; you remember, you teased her about it!"

 

Draco sniffed. "As if the Muggle-lover Weaselette could come up with something as brilliantly poetic," he scoffed. "I mean, honestly Potter, she doesn't have the brains for those comparisons, really. How could you think she wrote it?"

 

Harry glared at him. Even if not precisely desirable—what was desirable would be Harry pouncing on him and ripping his clothes off and proceeding to give him the best blowjob of his life—it was following along with Part D: Make Sure Potter Stays And Listens To Me.

 

"You leave off her," Potter growled, still glaring. "She's probably a thousand times smarter than you'll ever be."

 

Draco shook his head sadly. "You have no appreciation for true intellect," he complained. "And look at this, I'm being civil when you're being insulting." He shook his head sadly. "Not up to form, Harry, not up to form at all."

 

"Stop calling me that!" Harry hissed, looking extremely titchy, Draco noticed in satisfaction. An off-balance Potter was one who was not only extremely easy to needle, which was incredibly entertaining, but was also part of Part E: Don't Let Him Know What You're Planning.

 

"Why?" Draco asked. "It's your name, isn't it?"

 

"But you've always called me Potter!" Harry said, and apparently didn't even notice when Draco took a step closer. Oh, this was good.

 

"And now I'm calling you Harry." Draco took another step closer that Harry didn't notice. "Your friends call you Harry, don't they?"

 

"You're not one of my friends!" Harry snapped.

 

"I'm not," Draco agreed. "But that doesn't preclude me from being something else?"

 

"Something…else?" Harry faltered, now suddenly aware of how close Draco had gotten, though before he could move away, Draco reached out with Seeker reflexes and caught hold of his wrist.

 

"Mmmm," Draco said. "Something more…intimate."

 

Harry didn't have a chance to do more than widen his eyes before Draco leaned in and kissed him, pulling Harry into the shadows at the same time. Now he had Harry in between him and the wall, and Harry's mouth automatically opened beneath Draco's and he closed his eyes, and Draco would have crowed in triumph if it hadn't meant that he had to stop kissing Harry.

 

Finally Harry's brain seemed to start working again, and he pushed Draco away, though not before Draco had gotten in a good long snog. He leaned against the wall, breathing quickly, his wary eyes never leaving Draco, as if wondering what Draco might do next; Draco didn't mind, as it kept Harry's attention focused on him.

 

"Malfoy…" Harry said finally, and Draco perked up. No discernible malice in that voice, right? That was a good thing, yes? Yes. "You are completely insane," Harry finished.

 

"But you love me anyway," Draco said smugly, and then turned around and left before Harry could say anything in response.

 

Once well away from the scene, Draco gave himself over to the exultation he was feeling.

 

"YES!" he shouted, well away from the castle so that no one would look at him oddly. Malfoys had a reputation to maintain. "YES YES YES! POTTER'S RESOLVE, YOU'RE GOING DOWN! YOU WILL BE MINE, AND YOU'LL ENJOY IT TOO!"

 

Well, that was enough exultation for now—there was sure to be plenty more later, when he got to snog Potter some more. Draco almost skipped up to the castle doors, if Malfoys could skip (which they couldn't; it wasn't dignified).

 

Part F—Snog Potter Thoroughly—was a resounding success, and Operation GPTNMFANALIDBHF had reached its finale.

 

Draco grinned. He'd have to do it again sometime.


End file.
